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Keeping Secrets – CHRONICLES OF THE BYNUM BOND by Breona and Larry Bynum

bynum20160216Do you think it’s okay to keep secrets from your spouse? As long as the other person doesn’t know then they’re okay—or at least that’s what one may think. Like most people would say: what’s done in the dark will come to the light. In a marriage, it’s God first and foremost; when we keep secrets from our spouse, God still knows, so it’s best to just share with your spouse. Leave no room for the enemy to have an invitation in the marriage.

Secrets from your spouse are seeds planting to reap an unhealthy marriage, and who wants that? A secret is a secret: don’t go back and forth deciding if it is small or big. Your “small secret” can be your spouse’s “big secret” and vice versa. A secret is something that is intended to be kept unknown or unseen by others. The longer you withhold a secret in your marriage could have you second-guessing yourself. But should you share it, the situation could make things worse or your spouse may not be able to handle what you need to share.

Here’s a personal example of dealing with a secret in our own marriage: this story outlines how one spouse felt the secret was small when it really wasn’t to the other. There was a bill due in our home and I’m the type of guy that if I don’t have the money, I don’t let it bother me because it’s out of my control. As the bill date was approaching, I knew I wasn’t going to have the whole amount and not once shared with my wife what was going on. I felt like it was a small issue and I would soon have it all paid in full. I thought I was going to continue without informing my wife, but decided against it. In the end, we worked together to pay the bill. If I had not told my wife about a bill I thought was “small”, was it worth losing my wife’s trust? Just think how things could have gone differently if I didn’t share with my wife.

Another example highlights the importance of a secret being shared when it came to other people outside the marriage. Some young man ‘inboxed’ me via Facebook to share with me how it’s nice to see someone my age sharing nice messages about my husband on social media. I replied by saying, “Thank you.” I didn’t share with my husband that day it took place because I felt I ended it with a polite “Thank you” and there wasn’t anything else to say about the situation. A few days later, the young man was going through my photos liking them, which I thought was really strange, so I shared with my husband what took place with him messaging me. If I had not told my husband about this exchange, would it have been worth losing my husband’s trust? Could this have gone differently if I didn’t share with my husband? I am certain it would have and an unnecessary level of distrust would have been created within our marriage.

AVOID SECRETS! Having open communication with your spouse is important. Don’t leave room for any misunderstandings!