Over the years, I’ve met many people living like they were married, but they were not. They were more concerned about the idea that they would lose certain “benefits” or help, which then caused them to not worry about marriage. After noticing this, I would try to encourage the ladies especially, because in order to really understand marriage, everything should start with one’s mindset. No one really wants to be living a married lifestyle without being married. When we have the right mindset, we not only see the need to be pleasing to God, but we also see the need to be a positive example for our children and the next generations thereafter.
Growing up, it seemed like living together was so much easier than being married because I saw more live-in relationships than marriages inside and outside of my family. I realized that this was not just my family’s issue, but it was an issue for many families. Now that I’ve been married for ten years, I do understand some may not be ready to be married; they feel like they are too young, and some are just afraid because it’s not a topic that’s talked about often. While I do sympathize with those that possess this mindset, know that there is nothing wrong with being the first one to make a difference in your family by being married first. There is nothing wrong with creating a new path and a new mindset.
What I try to share with women is to put the fear into perspective; for example, consider when we are having kids. Why don’t we think having kids is scary? Or that we are too young to have kids? And even if we do have these thoughts, we still have children. More commonly, it seems like we still have no problem talking about starting a family with someone that’s yet not your spouse! Do not be afraid to change your mindset to expect marriage first and then have children. Changing your thought process takes courage and effort; please know that you are worth it!
Know that I too had to change my mindset and understand the value of marriage. I understand how it seems to be so much easier to think and feel like you’ll miss “benefits,” but when you choose to marry, you gain greater benefits and a blessing over your family and your children because you are covered and joined as a covenant with God.
We don’t know what we don’t see or hear being taught and it’s time that married couples speak up and encourage the singles. At the end of the day, when you know better, you do better. As we all continue to work on our mindset about marriage, I would like you to reflect on one of my favorite scriptures from Hosea 4:6 and choose wisdom over being ignorant of a poor mindset (ESV): My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge; because you have rejected knowledge, I reject you from being a priest to me.